How To Piss Off The Akatsuki
by bb.outrageous
Summary: Just what the title says. It's a big long list about how to annoy each of the Akatsuki members


**[ author's note ] **I got bored during my vacation so I decided to write one of these again. I should be updating on my Twilight fanfic but my brain sort of shut down on me while I was writing so I'm currently trying to restart my brain. Well each of the Akatsuki members will get their own little section in this long chapter Some are short 'cause I ran out of ideas. I'm even thinking about bringing by old list for Bleach back onto this account. I'm not sure though ... well ..... R&R

**[ disclaimer ]** I do not own the Akatsuki or any of its members. They unfortunately belong to Kishimoto 'cause if I owned it, Itachi and Hana would be together and I would own Sasori.

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How to Piss Off the Akatsuki

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**Sasori**

When you're walking around the base at night, and you spot him, scream and wave your arms frantically shouting "OMFG!! IT'S CHUCKY!!!"

Seduce him and try to get him to hit on you

When he finally does, run to Pein screaming about how Sasori was using sexual harrasment to try to get his way with you

Ask him how many trees he had to cut down to make his puppets

When he tells you he didn't kill any trees, ask him where he got his puppets

After he tells you, back away slowly before running off to the nearest village to warn them that Pinocchio is coming to kill them

Sneak into his room when he's sleeping and put a lot of eyeliner around his eyes

In the morning, wake him up by screaming "GOOD MORNING, GAARA!!"

Spill grape juice on him

Then laugh saying that he has a new tattoo

Go to the pest farm and buy several boxes of termites

Release him in his room while he's sleeping and watch as he and his creations get munched on

Buy him a cat

Let the cat use him as a scratching post

Tell him that you're taking him to an art show, but instead take him to the wood chipper convention

Paint his nails neon green

Offer him nail polish remover, but pause and tell him that it doesn't work on wood and he's screwed

Introduce him to the world of Disney

Force him to watch Pinocchio for 3 days straight non stop

On his birthday, come at him with a chainsaw exclaiming you just wanted a hug

Ask him if he loves Deidara when he's within ear shot

When he's inside his puppet, glue the exits shut so he can't come out without breaking it

Cut his hair in some messed up style and tell him that he has to live with it 'cause it won't ever grow back unless he implants hair folicles in his fake cranium

Show him yaoi fanfics of him and Deidara

**Tobi**

Call him Madara in public

Reveal his identity to every ninja you meet

Whne he askes you if he's a good boy, tell that he's not a good boy, but a good dog

Steal his mask and pretend to be him for the day

While wearing it, run around proclaiming that you're Madara Uchiha and scream "Tobi is a gay boy!"

Fill in the eye hole of his mask so he can't see out of it

When he askes why he can't see, tell him it's because he lost his sight .... again

Dye his underwear funny colors

Pull his pants down for everyone to see

Tell he'll never get a girl because they only like bad boys

Tell him he's better off with Deidara

At dinner, repeatedly tell him that he looks retarded in his mask

Stalk him in the middle of the night

When he askes why you're stalking him, tell him that you're on to him and know his secret, but not which one

Steal his mask and replace it with a mask of his own face

Make him make out with random people so he can get his mask back

Videotape it and make copies of it for all of the Akatsuki members

Break the mask before you hand it back

Buy him a puppy that is on the brink of death

Laugh at him as he watches it die in terror

Offer to bury it for him, but instead hide it in his underwear drawer

**Itachi**

While on a mission with him, help him across the street and say "There you go, old man."

Jump him while screaming Sasuke

Look at him frowning and say "Oops ... I thought you were good looking one, not the old weasel."

Buy him a Sasuke plush that says "Die, Itachi!" everytime you do something to it

Buy him a bird that has the same feather color as Sasuke's hair and it's feathers look like Sasuke's hair as well

Teach it how to say "Itachi!! I will kill you!" and have it say that every ten minutes

Buy him a pair of Harry Potter glasses and tell him that it's for his birthday

When he says it's not his birthday, tell him that he's probably suffering from Alzheimers

Show him fanfiction and have him read an incest story of him and Sasuke

Laugh as you watch him twitch and pass out

Have him read yaoi fanfictions of him and Kisame, him and Orochimaru, and others

Tell him that he lacks hatred everytime you pass him in the halls

Replace his nail polish with a pink color

While he's asleep, poke him with a stick while singing Hannah Montana songs

Ask him why he had wrinkles as a kid

Tell him that he stresses too much, and that he'll soon get wrinkles somewhere else besides under his eyes

Everytime he says something, say "Why?"

Go into his room exclaiming that you ran out of make up and have to come to borrow his

Tell all the Sasuke Fan Girls that he is a pedophile and say that the SasuIta fanfics are proof

Buy him an Ipod filled with weird theme songs such as Power Puff Girls, Power Rangers, and Spongebob, and 'accidently' lose the cable that connects to the computer

Slip a Sasuke doll into his arms while he sleeps and take a picture of it

Distribute it around the base and all the villages

Create a myspace account for him and put his username as OldWeasalPedophile

Refuse to change it or tell him how to

Draw on his face with sharpies until he wakes up

**Pein**

Constantly mess up his name and call him Penis

Tell him that he's the fourth hokage and he's Naruto's father

Snicker at him as he rants about how he is Pein and that he is God

Ruin him by telling him that Konan only likes him because that body looks like Yuhiko

Hide panties and bras in his room so Konan can find them

Make sure she thinks it belongs to another woman, or that Pein has been stealing hers

Tell him that Konan was great in bed last night

Make out with Konan in front of him

Tell him to close his eyes cause his were giving you headache

Use his eyes as dartboards

After he has collected most of the tailed beasts release them and seal them in stupid items

Forget which items they were and walk away saying that it was his responsiblity to make sure they had them

Call him Nagato or Yuhiko

Discover his real body that's hiding in the tower and draw on it

Come back and tell him that his real body went anorexic and is dying of malnutrition

Pull out all of the 'piercings' on all of the Pein bodies so he can't use them

Make a map of the base and sell it to all of the top bidders

Call Tobi the leader even though he really isn't

Pick up the phone and hand it to him saying "It's Chucky. He wants his hair back or he's coming for you tonight."

Everytime he says 'Akatsuki', say something at the end of it such as "are all gay" or "are loser"

Tell him that some of his bodies need to go on a diet

Play 'Animals' by Nickelback everytime Konan and him are together

**Konan**

Go up to her randomly and say "You looked younger in the pictures, old lady."

Constantly tell her that she has a giant spit ball in her hair

Kiss Pein everytime she walks into the room

Blow up her origami

Send her Jiraiya as a birthday present

Laugh as he chases her around trying to squeeze her boobs

In the middle of the night, sit on her bed screaming "Paper?! What kind of jutsu is paper?! I mean what are you going to do when you have to fight a tailed beast? Are you going to give it paper cuts until it dies? Or better yet ... Are you going to spit ball its eyes until it goes blind?! Seesh ... Everyone knows that paper was so five minutes ago."

Bring her diary to a meeting and read pages of it randomly

Make sure to read all the ones about Pein and anything embarassing

Tell her that she's useless in the rain because paper only gets wet and she'll look like over used spit balls

Spread a rumor that her crotch is bigger than Pein's

Cry like baby evertime she enters the room

When she askes why you're crying, tell her that you saw her face

Auction off her underwear and tell her that the Akatsuki needed money

Take her to the swap meet and put a sign around her neck that says "Paper for sale, twenty five cents each"

Dress up like her and accuse her of stealing your look

Call her mommy every chance you get or even better .... granny

**Deidara**

Dress up like Tobi whenever Tobi disappears and follow him around

Say everything Tobi says but ten times worse

Go up to him one day and ask him if it was true that the doctors had thought he was girl when he was born

Dress up like Itachi and say "Foolish artist ... You're art is weak ... It lacks hatred."

Blow up his room

When he questions why you did it, tell him that since he loved his art so much, that you decided to decorate his room with his art

Whenever you can, go outside his room and throw shuriken at his window

When he opens up, shout "Rapunzel ... Rapunzel .... Let down your long hair!!"

Buy him purfume for his birthday

Go up to him and say "What kind of villian plays with playdoh?! I mean, I stopped playing with playdoh when I was five. Grow up."

Replace all of his underwear with Victoria's Secrets thongs

For Christmas, give him a training bra and say "Your parents and I have decided that you're ready to start wearing a bra!!"

While he's working on his art, go up to him and say "What's the point of art making a bang? I mean, you're art just blows up so you only get to see it for a little bit. I'm all for Sasori's art."

Call him Paris Hilton everytime you pass

Mention that he's gay at every meeting

**Hidan**

Steal his scythe and bury it in an unknown location

Refer to him as a vampire

Throw garlic at him whenever he appears and shout "Begone evil vampire!"

For his birthday, buy him a bible

Try to convert him into a different religion every five minutes

Insult Jashin

Rescue all of his sacrifices during his ritual

Refuse to help him get put back together

Enlist him into the mafia

When he asks why say "Well you already have the hair, now all you need is the designer suit and a machine gun."

Tell him to lay off of the bleach

Don't allow him to eat and tell him that because he's immortal he shouldn't die of hunger

Show him a picture of Draco Malfoy and ask if they are related in any way

Take him on a trip to Transylvannia and introduce him to his uncle, Count Dracula

For his birthday, give him a bloody goat and say "I hope you enjoy your meal."

Allow people to come in to watch his ritual while charging them

Don't give him any cut from the profit

Dye his hair black

Bleep out every cuss word he says

Take him to Dr. Phil so he can talk about self abuse

**Kakuzu**

Burn his money in front of him

Steal his money

While he's counting his money, knock over the stacks so he has to start again

Steal the body from the bounty and tell him you lost it

When going shopping, buy hundreds of dollars worth of food, and use his money to pay for it

During the winter, throw his wallet into the fire

When he starts yelling at you proclaim that it was the closest thing you could reach and that you didn't want to throw Sasori in the fire

Take his hundreds and burn them slowly with a lighter

Tell him that you were bored and that you ran out of fire wood

Get to all of the bounties before he can

Constantly go to him to get stitched up

Pay him two hundred bucks to kiss Hidan

Videotape him doing it

Then tell him that you lost the money

During the Christmas season, buy everyone expensive gifts except for him using his money

Tell him that Bill Gates and Donald Trump are richer than him

Sell him on Ebay to Orochimaru

Buy him back for half the price and put him in a glass case so you can mock him

**Kisame**

Everytime he walks, start playing the Jaws theme song

Question him about he's able to stay out of the water without dying

Make a trail of fishing bait that leads to your room

When he arrives grin and say "Wow! That commercial was telling the truth when it said that you'd be reeling in the big ones."

Flood his room and say that you wanted to make him feel like home

Show him Finding Nemo and ask if those sharks are his brothers

Take him to Sea World and try to hook him up with Shamu

When vacationing, push him into the ocean crying out "BE FREE, KISAME!! THERE'S A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU OUT THERE!!"

Read him an ItaKisa fanfic and make sure it's rated M

Tell him that if he wants to get with Itachi, he's going to have to learn how to be Sasuke

Take him to the shark exhibit at the Mandalay Bay Casino in Las Vegas and randomly point out his family members

At one of the tanks break down crying

When he requests to know why you're crying, point a dying shark and shout "KISAME!! They're taking your mom to fishy heaven!!"

**Zetsu**

Ask him if he's man or plant

Pant his whole head white or black

Scream at him randomly saying that he needs to take some pills because he's bipolar

Fill his cloak and shoes with Fertilizer

Tell him that you're trying to make him grow taller

Ask him if he's some how related to a t-rex

Don't allow him to eat the dead bodies

Instead, make him watch you burn them to shriveled pieces

Call the FBI and tell them that Zetsu is secretly growing cocaine and marjuana in his head

Kick him in the balls

Frown when he starts to scream and sigh telling him that he's a plant and shouldn't have any in the first place

Go up to him one day while he's tending to his plants and say "Hey, since plants are both male and female ... What are you?"

Give him to the tree huggers society and tell him that you're helping them save him

Have Pakkun or any other dog pee on him

Attempt to cut him down for fire wood

Spray him with pesticide

Say that he should go have the doctor check out the growth on his head

Feed him tofu instead of flesh

Tell him that going green and saving the planet was so last year


End file.
